A date with Sita periamma

During our weekend Bangalore trip Lakshmi was pleased to have been able to meet her Sita periamma, the lone surviving family member from her mother's side. She was meaning to do it whenever we visited Bangalore, but couldn't bring herself to making the necessary effort - such as getting periamma's address, and going that extra mile to locate it. But all this is not much of a hassle, if you have the will will to make it there. This time, with sisters - Baby (Gowri) and Chitra - to give company, the three sisters were determined to visit periamma.

And it turned out to be a visit of fulfillment, a nostalgic journey. Sita periamma is 94; and elder sister of their mother Meenakshi. For Lakshmi and sisters, Sita periamma represented a living embodiment of their own mother, who died at a relatively young age of 60.

The sisters had the satisfaction of getting a 'feel' of their own mother when they held hand with Sita Periamma. And Sita periamma went on a flash-back recounting her life with Meenakshi at their ancestral home in Chamarajanagar. It was a meeting filled with emotion and the four ladies emerged from their interaction with moist eyes. Visiting periamma was Chitra's idea; her sisters wouldn't have made it , hadn't Chitra pressed her case for visiting periamma.
As Chitra said, it wasn't often that she got a chance to visit Bangalore; and she wished to make the most of it. Their periamma, all excited at their visit, squatted on the mat like gossipy young girls getting into a huddle to trade memories. Chitra, I believe, recalled the rava-upma Sita periamma had prepared for them while on a family visit to periamma's place in Nanjangud.

Periamma, overcome with fond memories of Nanjangud, expressed her wish to return there, to spend her last days. Even it were possible, little did periamma realise that Nanjangud today wouldn't, couldn't possibly, be the place she knew, the town she was so fond of, and had left decades ago. But then wishes, however unrealisable, and memories of days long gone by are about the only things that seemed to keep her going. Like most folks of her age, periamma's lament was that she was destined to outlive her husband so long, only to witness the death of two of her seven sons.

What's more, her eyes welled up talking about another son, who, though living, was as good as 'lost'to her. He hasn't bothered to keep in touch for well over a decade now, but his mother still pines for him. How unjust can be the balance of relationship between mother and son ? Though he doesn't care a damn , Sita periamma can't help enquiring about his welfare with every visiting relative. Chitra tried to console the 94-year-old, by telling her periamma not to keep worrying about those who have no thought for her.

Periamma lives with Dorai, her elder son, and has done so since she moved out of Nanjangud after periappa's death. Though she has option to stay with her three other surviving sons, Sita periamma has opted Dorai. And Dorai takes care of his mother with devotion, despite his own failing health and modest means. He is magnanimous enough to acknowledge the support he gets from brothers.

"Krishnan and Raju phone us every week; and Srikantu (who lives in city) comes here now and then," said Dorai. He let it be known that the Peenya flat in which they lived was a gift from Krishnan who lives in Pheonix, Arizona, with wife and two sons . another brother Raju, who split his time between India and his son/married daughter in the US, was now in India and spent a few weeks with his mother at Peenya till recently. Dorai spoke with affection and care about his brothers' sons , as if they were his own. He looked forward to their visits to India, and shared parental concerns about their career advancement , and finding suitable match for them.

Krishnan's son (Sanjay), said Dorai with pride, was chosen by his university in the US to spend a couple of months in Chennai this summer. Brother Raju's son, Ashwin, was doing well with SAP in California, and had become eligible for marriage. So was Dorai's other nephew Bhaskar, in Bangalore. Dorai shared his mother's concern for finding a suitable match for Bhaskar, who has lost his father Gundu. Periamma asked Subbu(that is how he calls Lakshmi) and her sisters to be on the look out for suitable brides for her eligible grand-sons.

And then, like most elderly women with NRI sons, Sita periamma gave vent to her desire to have them back in India, to live with her. She didn't seem to appreciate, much less understand, their constraints and domestic compulsions of having to live abroad. It doesn't occur to periamma that her sons, who are young no longer, have families as well to take care of, and sons/daughter of their own settled abroad. How reasonable would it be for them to expect their own family abroad to give up their all for returning to India, because grandma expected them to do so ?